TAILOR-FIT MARRIAGE: MARRY YOUR SIZE

Marriage has never been between two perfect people. You don't need to marry an angel. Marry someone you truly love, care about, respect, know, have a connection with, can be honest and vulnerable with, can communicate effectively with and share deep affinity with. They don't have to be of angelic character or be religious. But they have to truly fear God, which will practically determine what they can do and undo, and who they are under different situations or scenarios, and if they can be trusted.

This love, respect and friendship has to be mutual not one sided. Two become one. The two have to bring something to the table, otherwise one person is marrying themselves and the other is a passive spectator. You both should be able and available to meet each other's needs. You both need to understand each other and be mature enough to love, honor, forgive, apologize and be honest and committed to each other, irrespective of the challenges you may face in life or from any third party including parents, in-laws, siblings, friends and the society at large. Marriage is a trust or bond between two persons not to fail each other in word, thought or action.

Let me repeat: You will not marry a perfect person. Well, even if you see and marry a person with perfect character and you don't like or love them, you may be frustrated for the rest of your life because marriage is more than the mathematics of superficial addition. There should be deep-level mutual attraction, communication and connection.

So your spouse will not be perfect. You must learn to forgive and forge ahead. That's the nature of this covenant. Unless threatened by death because death is a condition to dissolve the marriage bond, as is unfaithfulness. (For more insight on this, kindly refer to my article "The Truth About Marital Unfaithfulness").

Marriage is not a religious doctrine. Don't marry for your pastor. Don't marry for your mummy or daddy. Marry for yourself. When mummy and daddy are no more, it will be you and hubby or wifey for the rest of your life. Marry for life purpose.

Marry your friend. If you are attracted to someone, start building a meaningful, wholesome and true friendship and getting to know each other deeply. Marriage is not a mystery or fantasy that will happen overnight. This is real life not a novel or work of fiction. And if you're not ready, don't be coerced into it. Take your time. Prepare. Meet people. Understand life. Understand yourself. Understand the opposite sex. Make friends.

Know yourself first, where you're headed and what you're about. Then you'd know who you can hook up with as a true companion and close confidant for the journey of life. The journey is really long and can be challenging sometimes. Life is hard enough. Don't make it any harder by choosing a functional stranger, or worse still a potential enemy, to journey with you. Life is not a fairy tale.

Understand your own journey. Start to build solid friendships. Get to know people, share with them and learn from them. Be friendly. Be good. Ask questions. Communicate. Go deep. Don't be shallow or superficial. Know a person's personality, strengths and weaknesses. Know before you love. Know if they are for you, if they are your kind. All this will not happen overnight. It takes time.

Finally, marry your kind in fundamentals and core value system albeit with different competences and personalities so that you can complement each other. Marry your size. Good thing your size will come in different shades and flavors. So you still have options, before marriage.

Beware of unequal yoke. Christ follower marry Christ follower. And remember, it's not about what people claim to be but what they really are, for by the characteristics they naturally produce you shall know who is who and what is what. Dog marry dog. Goat marry goat. Eagle marry eagle. Chicken marry chicken. Horse marry horse. So an elephant should not marry a tortoise, please! Someone will kill someone. Marry your kind and your size.