RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS


 

What you need to know about red flags.

Let’s simplify and summarize this critical concept.

The term “red flag” used in the context of dating and relationships refers to a sign that a person will turn out to be (or is) a bad or problematic partner.

Simply put, a red flag is a warning sign of unhealthy or abusive behavior in a prospective partner. 

This is a very practical topic of everyday life. 

…

What are some examples of red flags?

They include the following basic behavioral traits:

* Being controlling (dictating what you should do, and criticizing your choices).

* Being manipulative (lying, gaslighting, attacking your self-esteem, and playing mind games).

* Substance abuse (overdosing on psychoactive substances or medication).

* Physical violence (hitting, pushing or manhandling a person, and violating their physical space). 

* Love bombing (showing too much affection to choke and control a person is unhealthy).

All this may sound logical in writing, but recognizing these red flags in one’s own relationship or when one is dating someone is not always that easy.

So pay attention and don’t be overly absorbed or overwhelmed by the money, beauty or charisma.

Some other unhealthy behaviors which might not seem like a big deal initially but are definitively red flags for a dating relationship are insults, yelling, jealous accusations, extreme jealousy, put-downs, shoving, hypersensitivity, over neediness, aggressiveness, dishonesty, secretiveness, anger management issues, mental or emotional abuse, and others.

Basically, someone who lies, is manipulative, or gives you the 'silent treatment' during a conflict are all valid examples of red flags in a relationship. 

They are always there in their initial previews.

Never ignore them when you notice them.

…

What should you do about red flags?

Discuss them with your potential partner.

You need to address any red flag early on in the relationship and take the appropriate action.

Here are 5 helpful steps you can or should take:

* Communicate your concerns. 

Talking to your partner about your concerns, if you feel safe enough to do so, should focus on helping them clearly understand how negatively a specific behavior is making you feel or impacting you and not accusing them of intentionally hurting you. 

Use specific examples and avoid generalizations. 

For example, instead of saying, “You always like putting me down”, you can say, “I feel really hurt whenever you criticize me in front of others.” 

Allow your partner to respond to this feedback, and actively listen to their perspective. 

* Set clear boundaries.

This can help protect your emotional and physical wellbeing. Identify behaviors that are unacceptable to you and why. Let your partner know what these expectations are and why they’re important to you.

* Seek counseling. 

Seeing a licensed professional counselor or Therapist on your own to discuss your feelings and concerns can help you gain clarity and confidence to act. You can go with your partner, if they agree to it or also want professional help.

* Prioritize your wellbeing. 

Don’t neglect your wellbeing; remember it should always come first. Do what supports your overall wellbeing, like exercising, engaging in a fun hobby, or spending time with supportive friends and family. 

Surround yourself with people who truly care about you and can provide the needed emotional support. 

Be genuinely considerate and kind to yourself; and know that it’s okay for you to prioritize your needs.

You can’t save a relationship by destroying yourself.

* End the relationship if necessary.

If the red flags persist and your prospective partner is unwilling to make the needful adjustments, then it may be time to consider ending the relationship. 

Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for support and guidance during this breakup period. 

Ensure you end the relationship in a clear, positive and respectful way, explaining your reasons in a logical manner without blames or arguments. 

Give yourself time to grieve or heal before you focus on rebuilding your life or starting a new relationship.

…

To recap, the best way to fix red flags is to address them when you see them and not hope that they will go away magically on their own. 

Again, this might mean seeking professional help, setting boundaries, or having an open and honest conversation with your partner. 

Remember that honest communication is key, and it is very important to listen as much as you talk.

Above all, practice self-care and handle every step with respect and genuine concern for the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of both partners.

To your success and wellbeing!

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