Heart of the Wise

Marriage is not to be taken lightly.  It is a close and consequential relationship.  Better to be unmarried than to be married to someone who is not a right fit for you.  Misalignment in marriage has very far-reaching consequences for all of the parties involved. It is expedient to exercise particular caution and practice due diligence in spouse selection. Not everyone who seeks your attention means well for you or has something beneficial for you. Life is a marketplace—not everyone who calls you really has what you need and not everyone who you call really needs what you have to give.  If they call you, you can smile and wave at them but keep on walking, if they’re not for you. A potential spouse must meet certain criteria. You must have certain ideological and philosophical standards for a person you want to do life with. More importantly, your standards begin with you.  You must meet your own standards of mindset, attitude, ethics, values, trustworthiness, em...

God knows our human frailties. He only requires that we be just and treat others as we would not mind being treated. In other words, treat others fairly and justly as you would treat yourself or like to be treated also. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s the greatest commandment of God. No need to go offering great sacrifices or doing fancy and lofty religious ceremonies when we have not obeyed the basic laws and principles. It is attempting to solve very complex scientific or mathematical equations without even knowing or understanding the first principles. So again, God knows our basic human framework. He understands the basic human need for nutrition, locomotion, exertion, restoration and copulation. These are the things He designed for the continuity of His natural creation, namely, creatures of Nature. Following the Fall of Man, post Creation Glory, Man has had to deal with the practical and ideological implications of his fallen human nature or state, in the order or image ...

In the context of polygamy, there are many wives. There are older and newer wives in that scenario. The older wives have a tendency to form a woolly or abstract union or comradeship whenever a new, hot and sizzling wife shows up on the scene. Like someone is coming to take preeminence where they have already labored and gained ground.  Just as in a monogamous space, where the partner would be concerned and jealous if the object of their love and affection is being pursued by or is pursuing another albeit in a temporary romance. It is natural for an existing wife to experience the feelings of apprehension, anxiety or jealousy when a new love interest enters the life of her man. Even if there was a shared understanding and agreement between the husband and existing wife on the type of family they would be building.  But this can be positively curtailed and managed with the assurance and security of a marital union, which may either be the traditional (customary), common-law (de ...

Listen and learn from everyone be it friend or foe.  But don’t listen much to people who don’t like you.  They will always see and say something wrong and discouraging or discrediting about whatever you’re doing and especially when you’re evolving or going through certain sensitive phases or transitions. Don’t worry about them—they will deeply regret it. The Almighty Creator will fix all things accordingly. But change your own focus to what is good. Listen more to those who truly believe in you. They can see your value or potential. They are gracious enough to give room for your lapses, gaps, shortcoming, blunders or excesses. They acknowledge your gifts and strengths.  They celebrate you genuinely without motive. They correct you helpfully—to help you improve.  They accommodate your learning process/phase. They allow you to be yourself without pretending. They extend grace and goodwill. They like you authentically, fame or no fame. Money or no money. Mistakes and al...

Do you offer your advice to genuinely help the people who you advise? Here’s a rule of thumb when giving advice: When you advise people, do you best to explain or give cogent reasons for your counsel and opinion, especially if it’s not a clear scriptural instruction. Don’t indirectly insult the intelligence of everyone listening to you.  Don’t abuse your place of authority or privileged position in their lives. Don’t try to control and manipulate them for no good reason or real benefit to them. Explain to them how it best serves their interest. For example, don’t say: “All you 40+ men, why are you going for 20+ ladies? Who are you leaving the 30+ and 40+ for? Go for those: let there balance.” Is that what marriage is about?  Who are they leaving the older ones for? You call that seeking balance? Okay then, let’s seek economic balance, sir. Yes, let’s advise your rich kids to kindly marry poor spouses so we can achieve balance in money matters and in the economic situation of o...

God cannot be mocked.  Stop playing games with Him. Stop playing games with the lives of people. Stop taking undue advantage of others and wrecking whole lives and communities for your selfish interests. Stop it!  This is a divine call. You heard it. Will you ignore? Then so shall you be ignored by God when you call. Leadership is a sacred trust. So is marriage. So is parenting. So is friendship. So is life. Financial prosperity is a blessing but not always so. Long life is a blessing but not absolutely so. Ask Jesus. Do your assignment, no matter how small. Even if it is making a post, writing or saying something. (Ours is a digitalized and digitized destiny) Even if they don’t remember your name, like Thaddaeus. (He was one of the Twelve Apostles, by the way). So long life and prosperity are not the exclusive preserve of the good or the just—the wīcked and unjust also enjoy the selfsame privileges. No jokes. Now listen to this carefully:  Long life is not necessarily a ...

  Dear Celebrity, Being in the spotlight can eventually take its toll on one’s mental health—I empathize deeply with you. Be encouraged to maintain your centre of gravity.  In other words, stay grounded, stay centered and stay connected to your essence and inner mojo. Now just a little word of caution for those of you who have let fame and fortune get the better of you. Fame is illusion. Money is intoxication. Listen, just because you have people’s attention and admiration doesn’t necessarily mean you are better than them or should take them for granted, regardless of the fact that you’re now very rich and somewhat influential in your field or sphere of life. People pause and take out time to listen to you and to appreciate your work.  A lot of people celebrate your talent. Plus, you are immensely rewarded for it.  The hype and fan excitement can be overwhelming. But don’t be deluded into thinking you’re special. You’re freaking human like the rest of us. Don’t let a...

I don’t believe in mushy love that adds no value.  I believe love means seeing value and giving value. To love is to see the true instrinic value and worth in someone or something; and to engage the object of love with pure and unselfish benevolence. Love is selfless and sacrificial benevolence. Love is selfless devotion not senseless emotion. I believe in providing practical and sensible value. To love is to serve, teach, help, support, guide, provide for, protect, enhance and do good to.  If I love you, I support, protect and promote you. If I love you, I will tell you the truth with goodwill. I don’t just go saying: “I love you.” Many deceivers and manipulators do that. They say that privately to you to deceive you. They don’t openly admit unconditional love for you.  They only tell you things in the secret to get you thinking that they really care when they only seek to manipulate you . “ Open rebuke is better than secret love .” Better to give honest critique as feed...

Ex persona had plan to mock marriage. Sought genteel candidate to manipulate.  Notedly non-straight mating orientation. Deployed selfish intent, ulterior motive. Possibly cultic alliances and persuasions. Gave frustratingly tedious and toxic times. ‘Twas Hell-on-Earth experience endured.   Deep social and psychological torment.  Didn’t know new levels were in the offing.  She played awfully nasty to get sent off.  Ramping up triggers. Silent treatments. Cold. Dark. Apparently covert demoniac. Had set everything up I daresay from onset.  Made subtle pre-moves. Kid school changed.  So? Moved them, fed up as threat level upped. I intuitively felt urgent need to self-preserve. Little did I know it was massive deliverance.  She left with premeditated plan set in motion. Led, masterminded and sponsored by father. Spun fālse narrative of being chased out.  Looked for kairos to implement secret plans. Forged documents and traveled abroad. Abandoned m...

Speak up for justice.  Yet pick your battles wisely. You don’t have to fight unnecessarily. Be cognizant of preexisting structures. Understand the dynamics of the terrain. Give honor due to those who were before you. Duly acknowledge all those who had served well. Don’t throw the baby away with the bathwater. Don’t rock the boat midway into the waterbody. Be reasonable about your expectations. If you must engage in combat, be well-equipped. Be clear about what you want and how to get it. Communicate clearly with your identified allies. Know what you’re doing; what you’re up against. True voices are raised to speak up strongly. To bear witness to the truth in their generation. Like prophets who speak forth divine counsel. Boldly proclaiming the pure truth and wisdom. That’s the meaning of prophecy in its basic form. That’s also what believers are called forth to do. Shining the light of truth in deceitful darkness. By word and deeds—let the light you have shine. For me, I speak trut...

A reasonable person should know what to wear in the context of being covered and relatively decent. In other words, a reasonable person will not dress in certain ways when going to certain places. For example, one won’t wear a swimsuit or even a night wear like the one in the image to go work at a corporate office, or to a public meeting or a formal event. That’s totally off or completely out of place. The general basic idea is ‘appropriateness’ and this can be based on place, time, season or preference. Clothes were originally for covering and evolved to give expression to certain other ideas and values, from noble ideals to ignoble proclivities. However, that a person is fully covered does not necessarily mean that they are morally upright. Perhaps, they were trained to dress properly. Some learnt the advantages from experience.  Some have even been taught to demonize certain dress codes which are far from being revealing. Some of these same people may not pay as much detailed at...

How do you tell a person’s true nature/character? Look for predominant patterns to understand a person’s core nature, values or character. For example, let’s take a look at a selfish mindset. A selfish person may want to do good occasionally but their heart and mindset which is enshrined in core selfishness will try to impede their occasional benevolent attempts which are likely to be based on momentary feelings or shifting sentiments. The nature or spirit in them will gain ascendancy. Thus, selfishness will be near-constant in their life. The nature of a person’s character is known by the strength of their dominant mindset and persuasion. What disposition is preeminent in their attitude? What genuine struggles or practical dilemma can a person who is working on themselves to develop a better character or consistent outward expression of the good values of their higher self/nature have between sound judgment and the petty emotions and sentiments of the baser self or nature? Is there a ...

I have an intelligence bias.  To get me to pay full attention and to likely get my unreserved alliance or following, you have to be able to make intelligent conversation without irrational sentiments or volatile emotions. No matter how physically appealing you are (as sweet and sharp as that looks), you need some good sense and by that I don’t mean dishonest craftiness (as many Nigerians or Africans think). I don’t even mean formal education necessarily, as good and beneficial as that may be in its own right, and when properly implemented can make for a decently effective, engaged and awakened mind. I mean the ability to think through, understand and articulate basic concepts and ideas with as much precision, clarity and brevity as possible. The vital mental capacity to clearly comprehend and communicate meaningfully, effectively, near-accurately and preferably succinctly to anyone. It takes a beautifully robust, sound, well-nourished, well-tended, disciplined and deep-thinking min...

While people are playing politics of self interests, are we asking ourselves these types of questions: How can we make our education system so much better so that going to school in Nigeria makes you solidly equipped and employable in global markets? How can we make our healthcare system effective so that our even elites will not have to go overseas to seek better solutions to their medical needs? How do we make our security apparatus effective for every citizen and every resident of the country? Are we thinking the right thoughts? Are we having the right conversations? Are we asking the right questions? Or are we playing games with our social fate? Are we playing petty politics of personal interests? Are we silly little men spying on or sabotaging each other out of envy and mediocrity instead of working together for the greater good of our collective interests and existence? Abientot!

I know a man who when his mother passed, I went with my mother then to commiserate with him and we gave him some money as a condolence gift. Fast forward to when my mother passed, the same man has never bothered to extend same gesture at least for the sake of the fact that he was close to my mother and she had been of immense help to him and his family when she was still alive. Not that I expected anything from him per se but circumstances have recently revealed the kind of person he really is, in undeniable and clear ways. I have seen things that he did to undermine and sabotage my parents and their interests. Matter of fact, he has instead tried to shortchange me at any given opportunity that presents itself. A most intriguing thing is that there are possibilities and indications of undercover wickedness with mixed signals of charisma and pockets of selective goodness.   Same venomous attitude has been experienced by many other people who have worked with him. I have my insights ...

Can you really save the world? How can you save the world? What can you say or do to help? Are you helping one person at a time? Are you serving in your little space? Do you seek any position or platform? Are you genuine, sincere and mature heart/soul/mind or are you a fake little piece of work placed by a mastermind/puppeteer with a hidden agenda and ulterior motive? What are you really about as a leader, influencer or person in a position of power? Is it about saving the world/your nation/community, or is it about your personal interest/profit/gain/control/glory? Are you a selfless and unbiased unity leader or a personal interest driven factional and sectarian ruler who divides to conquer? Are you playing politics or practicing principles? Are you a politician or a patriot? Is it a career or a calling? Or both? No wrong or right answers. Just know what you’re about. Just a few questions to ask yourself. Just a few points to ponder on.

Relating With More Successful Younger Persons Now, listen: 1. Give them wise counsel from your experience  2. Help them with what you have—service, advice, morale support, encouragement, guidance, etc 3. Be a servant leader and be exemplary  4. Admit your mistakes and take responsibility  5. Respect them in their own right and space 6. Never try to take undue advantage of them  7. Be willing and eager to learn from them  8. Don’t be too proud to ask younger ones questions in order to learn from them 9. Be grateful for any support they give  10. Be careful not to ask too much for assistance so as to avoid any disrespect and contempt  11. Be wise and be the mature person  12. Respect yourself and you’ll be respected  13. Don’t allow unwarranted disrespect  14. Never allow envy into your heart       I repeat: forbid envy from your soul  15. Never compete for superiority  16. Celebrate their wins; and genuinely, gene...

When or where there is competition, contention or fault-finding rather than cooperation, appreciation and team-building, then and there will there be a markedly limited communal or social development.  Now, this is often a sign of lack of true leadership.  It is not necessarily lack of technical skill, expertise, competence, experience or even management. Leadership is like a lid or stopper which determines the overall rise or fall of communities and countries. No nation or organization can rise above the level of leadership that they have. This is in line with the Leadership Law of the Lid as described by leadership expert John C. Maxwell. The law states that a leader's effectiveness is limited by their leadership ability, which acts as a "lid" on their potential and the potential of their team or organization.  It means one's capacity to lead directly influences how far their followers and the entire endeavor can meaningfully or authentically make good progress. Le...

Even when people are past their prime or are no longer as famous, popular, reigning or trending as they used to be before, we should not abandon those who have been a blessing to us before. A lot of people are not loyal but are just leeches. They jump on those who are hot cakes just to use them to climb to the top. They are social climbers. They don’t really care about people, regardless of how charismatic and charming they may appear. They are very clever and strategic performers. They have no basic or sustained love and loyalty. They simply target and roll with anyone who can take them to their next level of self-actualization. It’s all a selfish game and they don’t empathize with those who have challenges yet they want people to empathize with them when they have challenges. Selfishness is a very strange, satanic and dark character trait—even those who have it hâte to see it in others or to be at the receiving end of it. If you have a bad break, people don’t care and in fact some of...

Fame is a dicey and dangerous thing with potential for both great good and great evíl. For starters, you don’t seem to have a life of your own—you stay in hiding or activate undercover and disguise. But more importantly, whatever you do is either highly praised or highly criticized—because it is highly publicized. Now, if what you do or say is wrong or right but it is criticized, you can get positive feedback to correct or improve on it—again, whether good or bad. However the danger is that when you say or do something that is wrong and you know it’s wrong, there are people who will still like it because they like you—therein lies the greatest danger of fame. You must be able to have your own internal check system, moral compass or ethical code to guide you on the reality and implications of your external actions and decisions. Moreso, you have to have a growth mindset that ensures you are continuously working on yourself and improving so that you can be yourself and that authentic sel...